Missing Pieces of the Puzzle

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time." T.S. Eliot

Life is a puzzle. A puzzle that seems impossible at the beginning. It seems that the pieces don't quite fit into the whole piece of art. We look for the beautiful picture in life only to see cracks, holes, missing pieces, brokenness and a clear mess of this and that. Desperately we try to make sense of the mess, so we make other messes altogether. We are back to where we began in the puzzle.

We long for things, and feel as if our hearts are tired in the longing. Once we find what we long for the search seems futile. The maze seems bigger, seems like we are lost, there is a looming possibility we couldn't get out of the maze. Desperately we trace our steps to try to make sense of where we would have missed the other path. We are back to where we began in the maze.

Where did we begin?

We began as children, knowing our world way before we made our arrival on earth. We were not innocent, maybe naïve but still knew how to get our way if adults were not watchful. The good thing is we were open to ideas, open to criticism, happy at new discoveries, content in whatever state in life, ready to make messes, looking for solutions, clean them up and make messes again.

Where are we now?

We grew up too fast. We matured into adults. Adults who didn't learn how to think but what to think. We learnt that to have things of our own – we had to do by going to school. We learnt that to be accepted – we had to do by behaving within the societal norms and standards. In order to be artists, masons, doctors, teachers, IT specialists, CEO's – we had to do courses and degrees that probably we didn't like. Our mission in life is now to have, have, have.

We have accumulated information, it is called knowledge, but we like to say we are wise. Imposing this knowledge on our children is what we know best. They need to learn without exploring. They can't make mistakes, they have to avoid them. How else do we think they will survive? Our instincts tell us to avoid mistakes, to stay comfortable, to not ask too many questions. Especially, don't question your life, no, don't question the status quo, don't even question the social ills in society.

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair.” C.S. Lewis

The real answer to the puzzle which is a combination of our beginning and the now lies in three words – be, do, have. These are the missing, maybe even misplaced pieces in the puzzle.

Ephesians 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

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Trying is Not Failing, Failing is not Trying

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me,

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.

The waves they keep on telling me,

Time and time again. “Boy, you'll never win!”

“You'll never win.”

Lyrics of the song, “Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns”

Have you tried your hand at something recently and failed? I would like to introduce us to a new concept today. The concept is: 'If you tried, you have not failed.' Failure is not trying at all. You may choose to NOT TRY hence FAIL because of fear of failure or past failures.

Many of us have dreams. The definition of a dream is an aspiration or ambition that seem as ideals. The dreams remain just that until we put action into achieving the dreams. You have to have deadlines as to when to achieve them; the dreams then cease to be just dreams but measurable goals.

The hardest part of execution of any goal is starting. We think of the risk of failure and distance ourselves from even the thought of starting, we ask, “What if I fail?”. There are always two sides of the coin, just as there is failure, there is also success. Have you ever counted the number of letters of each of these two words? Both have seven letters which means there is an equal chance of occurrence of either success or failure. Instead ask, “What if I succeed?”

The question today is, “Have you tried doing to do something with what you have now?” Don't quit before you try otherwise you fail. Let's assume you don't succeed, every time you face obstacles and difficulties, let them instruct you as opposed to obstructing you. The obstacles tell you how not to go about it the next time you try.

Don't stop trying!

Have you heard of Thomas Edison known mostly for his invention of the light bulb? He tried 10,000 times before he got it right. Do you think you would have been able to stand those number of tries until the finish? In a race, it is not about how many times you fell along the way, or even the hurdles you had to get through. It is about those who made it to the finish line.

Always remember, you are going through the race to the finish line. Start the race, fall and stand up again. Many fall along the tracks in the race and stay down. Choose to stand, dust yourself off and continue running even with more vigor than the last time. Choose to try. Try again and continue trying. That is really what the journey to success entails.

Choose the voice you will listen today. Is it the waves that remind you, “You'll never win” or is it the voice that says, “You'll win, just try and continue trying.”?

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

 

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A Story of Forgiveness

A King gets a poor guy, let's call him Tom, that owes him 100,000 dollars. Of course that's a lot of cash, so he wants Tom, his family and all his goods to be auctioned off. Tom begs to be given time to pay back. But the King does something much bigger than that. He forgives Tom of all the debt and erases it, as if he never owed the King anything.

Please forgive me...

Oh, so Tom goes on with life (because it does go on...) and he meets his friend, Tim, who owes him 10 dollars. That's a lot of money right, according to Tom it could help pay back what he owes the king.

The thing is Tom has never believed that the King erased his debt. His plea was that he be given time to pay back. Tom has been going on with life trying to pay back.

Tom gets Tim by the throat and asks that he pays up...Same script, Tim is so poor he can't. He begs to be given time. But this time, Tom wouldn't do that. Tim is thrown in jail until he pays up.

Word gets to the King. Tom did the unthinkable. The king says to Tom, "I erase $100,000 debt and you don't have mercy on Tim for $10 dollars." Of course, the King puts Tom in jail to be tortured until he pays up.

Whose debt do you have to pay back? Whose debt have you not forgiven today? Who have you thrown to jail because of the $10 dollars until they pay up?
Do you expect the one who you owe the $100,000 to forgive you still and you are holding the $10 guy at their throat to pay up?

The lesson is, God erased all your debt. You owe Him nothing. God was merciful to you. But you go around putting all the people who owe you in jail until they pay up. Just like Tom, you'll be tortured until you pay back $100,000 which you can't pay back for.

The torture could mean the pain, the hurt, the load you carry because of not forgiving. Don't peg your forgiveness on people paying back the debt, God didn't and He expects you to do the same. Leave God to work on the people in your life all you have to do is love yourself enough to forgive.

Love yourself enough to forgive : "Unforgiveness is like taking poison but expecting someone else to die."

Matthew 18 ³⁴ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.

³⁵ “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

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Authenticity

Our definition of perfection, “being entirely without fault or defect; satisfying all requirements; corresponding to an ideal standard.”

God's definition of perfection, “being in Christ; live upright and throughly furnished unto all good works.”

We live in a perfectionist world. Parents who want a perfect child, who won't make mistakes. Children who seek perfect records, to be in everyone's good book. Adults who seek perfect mates, to be treated just how they want to. Man and woman who seek perfect marriages, for their expectations to be met. The truth is its all a lie. Who is perfect except God? Everyone is imperfect but striving for perfection. Talk of water mixing with oil. Ain't going to happen soon. You will never be perfect and neither will other people. God doesn't want you to be perfect. Yes, He loved you in your imperfection. He loved you anyway. How much more when you accept His forgiveness and love? Stop the endless dancing to the songs, 'If only...I could...I should...I would'
God loves you anyway. He says 'Come just as you are.'

Does reading the paragraph above have implications on how you live and what you expect from people?

Authenticity is a rare priceless gift. My definition of the word authentic is this, “Shedding off the mask you are wearing and revealing the beautiful person hidden inside.” I wonder how many people I interact with are authentic. I ask myself, “Am I authentic?” Recently, I have had the privilege to meet a few successful people who are authentic. They have poured out their lives, their challenges and the lessons they derived from them to me. The impact has been amazing, most of their experiences are similar to mine and some even worse. They conquered and their experiences are a beautiful story.

Imagine with me a box containing all the “stuff” you don't have any use of anymore, good or bad. You lock the box and throw away the keys. You then place the box at the back of a closet that you rarely use, in a room you never visit, in fact the room is locked and the keys either got lost or you threw them away – you just don't remember.

That is how so many of us live, we only see the outcome. Rare forced crooked smiles that last less than a minute, forced handshakes because you simply don't want to say the rare Hi's, worst among them are forced laughters that leave your heart aching because you don't have real joy.

Being authentic is a painful affair, but it is rewarding. You have to find the lost doors and get past the animal called DENIAL. Having hidden all the past hurts, disappointments, successes in a closed ROOM, CLOSET and BOX and trying to live like the “stuff” is Missing In Action; will not help.

Take off your mask

Matthew 11:28-30 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." (The Message)

An authentic parent will let their children fail, even if they saw it coming. They won't rub in the all too familiar, “I told you so...”

An authentic child will not feel bogged down by their failings, they will understand that the failure does not define who they are. Many people think that failure is a person when it is only an event.

Authentic couples know that their spouses are not gods. There are mere mortals just as they are.

Understand that only God is perfect, and He loves you just as you are. He will turn your ashes into beauty. He alone can make you perfect.

Refer to this for an explanation on Biblical Perfection: http://www.learnthebible.org/biblical-perfection.html

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You have one life, LIVE it fully

A friend recently shared a quote that I believe is vital to today's topic:

"Life is not a rehearsal, you either leave it or live it."

Have you ever reflected back on your life? Where you came from, how you were born, what your parents taught you whether wrong and right, what you observed growing up? The low and high moments in your life. Where you are now? Where you want to be in 3-5 years? What you are potentially able to do? I'd like to think of this as a graphical representation of your life.

I believe that we are all laden with unlimited potential. There are resources, people and opportunities around each of us but they are hidden in plain sight. Just because you can not physically see something doesn't mean that it is isn't there. All these will be vital in attaining the goals, and the vision you have in life.

All the people that ever died having emptied themselves of their potential have various things in common. It did not matter what religion they were in, what mattered is that they believed in a greater power than themselves. They believed in a cause greater than themselves and pursued those causes even unto death. Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Gadhi, Mother Teresa, and our very own Nobel Laureate Wangari Maathae are a few examples. They were not driven by material gain, popularity contests, awards, “followers” or none thereof. Their significance was measured by how well every activity they engaged in tied with their purpose. Nothing deterred them from pursuing their calling. Yes, they generated a lot of criticism, but none of them resulted to war as a weapon to champion their causes. They were peaceful even in the midst of turmoil. They remained steadfast and ultimately lived fulfilled lives. Isn't it better dying trying to do something than to live doing nothing?

Have you read the story of one Anne Sullivan? She was an American teacher best known as the instructor and companion of Helen Keller. She epitomizes a life fully lived. She died empty.

The world is devoid of action only small-talk.

What is sad is that many people walk around doing nothing and changing nothing? Always complaining, blaming and excusing themselves from what is essentially their duty. Where you complain the most, please take a moment to see whether you are the missing change agent? Most probably you are the one who'll make a difference. You are the one who needs to change. It's not so much about making a big change in the shortest period of time, rather than making steadfast small changes, one day at a time. It is also not about being perfect as much as it is about striving for excellence.

Maybe the guy who is always throwing tantrums in your office only needs a smile. Probably, no one has ever cared enough to smile at him.

Maybe your small brother just needs someone to tell him, he can do it. All he has been hearing around is that, "It's not possible." No wonder, he's always in his room watching TV from dawn to dusk.

Just maybe, your boss, or the president of your country is not the problem. You just need to wake up from your dream of 'freedom' and take action.

People find it easier talking about others than being introspective and talking about themselves. It's not about being overly self-conscious or on the extreme and being arrogant. It is much harder to look within yourself, and admit that you are fearful of failure, that you can't ask for help, that you never delegate routine tasks because you don't believe that others can do a better job.

What do you love doing most? Give it some thought. What do you hate most and would want to do something about, if given opportunity? If there is something you could do for free and not mind if no one paid you, what would that be? What gives you tremendous energy? These are pointers to what your life's purpose is.

Until you do what you love, your life will be controlled by emotions such as fear, anger, shame and regret. Until you stand up for what you truly believe in, you will always have to compromise, settle for second-best. Opportunities will pass you by in broad daylight. Remember, you are not getting any younger as you age.

What footprints will you leave behind after you die? What is the legacy that you will leave? Will you have made the world a better place to live in? Will you have made it easier for another soul to breathe better in the world? The change has to start inside you, but you have to take actual steps and make an impact.

Dr. Anthony Campolo, Professor of Sociology, Eastern College, St. Davids, Pennsylvania, shares the results of a survey where 50 people 95 years and older were asked: “If you could live your life over what would you do differently?” These old people said they would do the following:

1. Reflect more.
2. Risk more.
3. Do things that would live on after they died.

Do you have to wait until you are ninety to reflect so painfully? (excerpt from Made for Greatness, Anthony Gitonga)

I pray for you my friend today as I do for myself, may we empty ourselves of the uniqueness we have in us. May we pursue our purpose. May we fulfill God's calling of us today. Whatever you do, wherever you are, the Maker is calling for you to touch the life of another, and by chain effect, many others and ignite them through your purpose. Choose to spend your life wisely today, you only have one (life).

What steps will you take starting now? Your “Hellen Keller” is waiting!

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Making a Living Versus Making a Life

Ecclesiastes 9:4 "... even a live dog is better off than a dead lion!"

This verse really means that no matter how despicable your life is now; you are better off than those who have died even if they were Kings in the jungle. The simple reason is you are alive and they are dead. You are still breathing.

When you are alive, doesn't matter what circumstances surround you, what obstacles stand in your way, who is against you or that no one is with you - what matters is you are still standing.

Recently, I got a chance to visit with three grandmothers who are struggling to raise their grandchildren either because their children, who are these grandchild's parents'  have died or abandoned them. The struggle these women go through is enormous. Despite everything, they appreciate that they cannot do the work on their own, they recognize God's work in their lives and they live by the rule "Take one day at a time."

I couldn't help but admire the stamina with which these women go about their daily lives, doing all they can to help their grandchildren grow into independent adults. To them the obstacles were not deterrent, the goal to provide and nurture is prime.

I also learned that everyone despite the odds that face us, has opportunity to be whoever they desire to be or do. The choice to live is in your hands. It is not about making a living, it is about making a life.

True living is in making a life, by extension making an impact in other people's lives; and not merely making a living.

Making a living denotes one who is driven by survival :

• Survival is a myopic goal in life.
• Survival is only selfish.
• Survival is not for the fittest, it is for the fattest. Those who only think about 'me me me'. The 'what about me' mentality.
• Survival only sees the problem. Small-picture thinking.

Are you a lighthouse for the ships in distress?

Making a life denotes one who is driven by significance :

• Significance outlasts you - it's a legacy.
• Significance puts the needs of others in the right context, above your needs.
• Significance asks pertinent questions regarding others, "What should be done about joblessness?"
• Significance focuses on creating lasting solutions to the problems. Big-picture thinking.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 says :

"I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn't always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn't always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skillful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don't always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time."

This verse explains it quite well, survivors in life are the fastest, the strongest, the wise, the skillful and the educated - the common trait between all of them is that they have given themselves for one cause to be the best in their field. Apparently they do not always get what they desire.

What happens to the second-bests? What happens to those who tried and failed? What happens when they no-longer hold the "trophy", when someone else breaks their record?

To get away from survival you have to be inclusive :

• It is better to give than to receive.
• Teach others what you learn. Most people think in teaching that they loose when in actual fact, they cement their lessons and inspire others.
• Think about how you can make the world better, make use of the opportunities and people at your disposal.
• Use time wisely.

Every man has what may be called time and space to act in, and opportunity to do a particular work. These two constants will ensure you are making a life/ creating significance.

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Success is a journey, not a destination - Part 2

Success is more the process and not the end - product. No one arrives at a destination called success.

Success is really defined as the steps we take towards what we envision.

Why is it a process? If you attain a goal you had set, e.g. to read a book every 3 months; does that mean you are successful and that's the end of the quest? No, you were successful at attaining that particular goal. Along the way you may come to the realization that you need to apply the concepts you are learning, that is another goal. Hence, success is ongoing.

Success therefore takes time, it does not involve a "microwave solution", allow the process to have time and space for growth.

You define success in your own way. To define success you have to define it yourself. What would make you feel successful would not necessarily make another feel successfully.

You will also keep redefining success after every step.

Success is personal first, but it will impact many along the way. It will touch lives in ways more than one.

Remember : It starts with victory over self

Let's answer the questions in Part 1 of this post.

Desire

What drives you?

Your existence is evidence that this generation needs something that your life contains. You were created to solve a problem. Everything you have gone through in life, whether a high point or failure, has it's purpose in your life. What lessons did you learn from these experiences?

Remember : Too many people pitch camp at failure when it should just be a warning sign over what not to do!

If you had to think of life after your demise, which is a surety, how can you paint it? Would people notice that a gap has been left and needs to be filled? Or will it be a case of "Gone and forgotten"?

The drive is what will keep you, after everything is gone and nothing is left. If you leave with something today, ask yourself - what drives you?


Direction

Where are you now? Where do you want to go? How will you get there? Are you headed in the right direction?

You must have a sense of direction.

Where you are now denotes your current "location". What are your attitudes? What are your beliefs? Do they link to your expectations?

You're expectations have to line up with your attitudes and beliefs. You constantly have to work to change your attitudes and beliefs. What influences these two are your thoughts, and you can change your thoughts. Look at the input of the thoughts that you allow to enter your mind - who are your closest friends, what environment do you live in and how do you spend your free time?

Remember : Garbage in, Garbage out

Where you want to go, denotes your desired "destination". Does it seem too far off, if it does then get to work.

Determine how you will get there :

Setting SMARTER goals is what will distinguish the dreamers from the accomplishers.

A dreamer says "I want to be a good communicator". (This person may keep changing their words as its suits them, it is not SMARTER)

An accomplisher says "I want to be a good listener to my partner in Marriage before May 31st on our Wedding Anniversary. I will strive to let them finish sentences on their own and I will not interrupt them while they are speaking. I will maintain eye contact at all times and ensure that I ask reflective questions such as 'So are you saying you need a bit of help with the laundry tomorrow' just to make sure I understood what they were communicating."

To set goals such as the accomplisher did they have to be :

S  : Specific- Be very specific
M : Measurable- Can you analyze progress?
A  : Attainable- Can you attain it?
R  : Realistic- Be real with yourself
T   : Time - Bound- Have a time frame.
E  : Exciting- They must hold an element of excitement and thrill for you
R  : Recorded- Write down your goals.


Dedication

This is how willing you are to pay the price for the success you seek. Sometimes, you will have to be mean with yourself, sometimes you'll endure pain to get what you seek, you will have to leave behind friends you thought were for life, you will have to expand your horizons, work more than you have ever worked, give time for your goals to work, adjust if need be and not to give up.

Remember : No one will push you.

Here you are on your own, change tact (gears) when you need to, look back only to derive lessons and push forward.


Discipline 

This is what will help you push forward. Realize that you are 99% responsible for the outcomes in your life. 1% is credited to excusiolitis - a disease where the sufferer makes excuses for their behavior.

Start taking responsibility. Instead of saying "It wasn't me" start saying "I was wrong". Trust me, it's easier than it sounds, just try it.

Remember : You can't lie to yourself.

Stop complaining about people and your circumstances. The economy has nothing to do with your success. You make it your business when you always talking about it. Stop talking and start acting.

Stop blaming other people and your circumstances. You realize when you are pointing a finger, all the other fingers are pointing at you.

Start small, think big BUT start now. They do say, "A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step." Take that step now, if you will always procrastinate, the best time you are waiting for will never come.

READ the Excerpt below NOW:

When I Become a Big Boy

This is like the little boy who says when I become a big boy, I will do this and this and I will be happy. And when he becomes a big boy he says, when I finish college and do this and this and I will be happy. And when he finishes college he says when I get my first job and do this and this I will be happy. And when he gets his first job he says when I get married and do this and this and then I will be happy. And when he gets married he says when the kids get out of school and I do this and this I will be I happy. And when the kids get out of school, he says when I retire and do this and this, I will be happy. And when he retires what does he see? He sees life has just gone by in front of his eyes. 

(Adapted from You Can Win (1998), Shiv Khera)

You are the driver of your life, are you ready to take charge. Then start NOW.

What lessons can you share from your journey?

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

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Success is a journey, not a destination - Part 1

Have you ever thought about the intricacies of taking a journey? Well, I am sure you have journeyed at least once in life - whether by road, rail, water or air. I am also certain you have your reservations about the mode of transport. Maybe you have had a bad experience on the road, as a result you are fearful on the road. Maybe on your first time in a boat, thrilled as you were, the winds were so great - the boat unfortunately capsized. That was your first and last time in a boat until today. Back to the question - journey of life - let's imagine for the purpose of this post - that you are sitting at the driver seat, you are the captain of the ship or plane - that in your life you are the driver as well as the passenger.

We will attempt to derive the lessons from your journey of life.

Who is the driver?

Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In a car, there is just one driver, one person who controls the vehicle. Maybe there is a car that has two steering wheels, I don't know. Conventionally, there is normally one steering wheel, one break, one accelerator, one gear and one driver's seat.

In the journey of your life who steers the wheel, determines when you have to make an emergency brake, accelerates or decelerates and determines which gear is in force - is a question we must ask soberly?

In Kenya, we have a public transport mechanism popularly branded as a 'matatu' - a 14-seater vehicle with a driver and a conductor who collects the fare due to them and ensures that you alight at your designated stop.

 I've never known conductor is a valid English word. Had to cross-check its meaning : 


conductor :  a collector of fares in a public conveyance

Most times than not matatus are the only form of transport available to the general populous.

In the rush to reach a certain amount of gains per day, matatus are driven recklessly on the road. Most who notice this, are other drivers who don't understand the rush, avid passengers may be unsatisfied but because of the hurry they are in, they may let the offenses slide as long as they make it early to their destination. The careful passengers wish they were in control of the vehicle to drive better.

I have gone at great length to illustrate something. If you are in a badly driven vehicle, don't you wish you were the driver and you would do things better and be more safe-conscious. I wish I could give the reckless drivers my two cents of advice, to just slow down and think of the passengers they are entrusted with. If the vehicle were to be involved in a bad crash, wouldn't everyone be in danger and not just the driver. It is sad but most times, people rarely think about the consequences of their actions before engaging in wrong behavior.

M - Pics / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

To link this back to our post. You are the driver of your life. You are the passenger in the car of your life as well. It might sound paradoxical, but lets ask critically. Ultimately, who gets most hurt when you are driving the car of your life recklessly? Who is it that is hurt more? Even if you had other passengers as well, their safety is upon your hands. Drive well, and they will arrive well.

Driving badly in your life may manifest differently. You know yourself better, some things to look out for on the road of your life are : -

• Are you driving your car, or have you delegated that task (willingly or unwillingly)?  

• Are you on the right road? 

• Do you know where you are going?  

• Do you even know where you are? 

• Are you headed in the right direction? 

• Are you driving too fast you are not checking the signs on the road? 

• Is the fuel in your car empty or is it just enough to get you to the destination? 

• Have you stopped to ask for directions? Maybe you're lost, that is why the journey is taking longer than expected. 

• Where are the potholes on the road? To avoid them you need to know where they are.

• Are you complaining and blaming other drivers for your mistakes?

• Have you forgotten who is turning the steering wheel? 

These are just a few analogies in the road of your life. Hopefully you have been able to answer the question "who is the driver in the road of your life?"

I would love to read your insights on this post. Who holds the keys, who is the driver in the road of your life?

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Born To Exist? Is There More To Life?

 “There are two great days in a person's life -- the day we are born and the day we discover why.” William Barclay

Now that you are reading this, which means you are alive, do you know why you were born? Does that question seem obvious to you? If it does, am glad you know. Am glad you won't look back to your life and wonder "What was it all for?"

"So I got the titles, the recognition, the admiration, even have my own fans, a picturesque family - what was it all for? Why did I give my all to nothing but titles and recognition. All my time was spent on making my family comfortable, I didn't want the poverty I grew up in to affect my family. I have all the wealth, you can imagine, all you would ever desire I have. I'd rather die than live another day, I don't know the reason for my existence."

Excerpt adapted from a true story.

The story above just depicts the outcome of not knowing the purpose for one's existence and living to fulfill the purpose. True happiness is never derived from the things that we acquire in our lives.

Most people in the world are walking skeletons, being carried by the wind to whichever direction it blows. If its to the East, let's go, you seem to say. Oh now it's to the West, hurray, at least that is a change. Now it's beginning to get fun. Along the way to the West, even before you've got there, the wind blows again and this time, the North is your destination. Before you even set camp at the North, the East is beckoning again. Wait a minute, you pause, with all the strength you can gather, don't I have a say in all this. However, the more you struggle, the more you lose to the wind, whether you like it or not, the East is the place you will go back to - the wind bellows back. The case of a dog returning to it's own vomit. Remember, the East was not really where you wanted to be in the first place, you just found yourself there, for lack of a better explanation.

Are you a walking skeleton? Do you have a say to where the wind, a metaphor for you're job, family, economy, friends etc. takes you? Are you in charge of your destiny or is your destiny is in charge of you?

“Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
 William Jennings Bryan

So now we know, destiny is not by luck, you have to pursue it intentionally. What is your destiny? Do you have the slightest idea?

Danilo Rizzuti / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Synonyms of purpose: aim, ambition, aspiration, design, dream, end, idea, ideal, intent, intention, mark, meaning, object, objective, plan, point, goal, target

Why were you born? This is the question we will attempt to answer, everyone on his/ her own. We will answer it by looking at the pitfalls we encounter along the way of discovery.


There is NO reason.

Some of us think there is simply no reason for our existence. That by mere luck your father and mother conceived you into the world and you've been walking the earth since then. That someday, you will die just like the rest of humanity.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

Let me shock you today, if you subscribe to this school of thought. There is a reason, there is a purpose, the Manufacturer of life had a goal, whether you choose to believe it or not.


In a factory, there is usually so much activity, but the aim is to manufacture as many products as possible. With the use of machines, the work has definitely been reduced. Manufacture requires skill, hard work, patience and persistence. Every product that is manufactured has a form and shape, both of which have to be molded to specific pre-determined requirements; and once these are attained then the finished products are shipped to their destination for consumption.


Let's assume that you enter a supermarket, do you find that most times than not, you have a specific product in mind. Maybe, you were thirsty and just needed a cold drink. There are many drinks on the shelves but you choose just one, if you chose water, there are many different water companies, you still chose one manufacturer's product. Have you ever stopped to think why?

Now let's assume there is a supermarket of life, and you are one of the products 'on sale'.  Why should a 'buyer' come and pick you out of all the other similar products on the shelves? Is there a possibility that no one even looked at you're aisle in such a long time, that the dust is overwhelming. Did the manufacturer make a mistake? Are you the first of the losses the company has had to incur? What are you worth? Did he put such a high price on you that no one is willing to pay the price?

All these questions and more linger in our minds? Most times, our questions are valid. The main question still stands : Do I have a purpose? What is my purpose?

The answer to these questions is as simple as the answer to the question below:

A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. And they were not twins. How is this even possible?

I am not like so-and-so.

We live in a competitive world. You compete with your siblings, you compete with your friends, you compete in education, you compete in the workplace, even after you are married, you compete with your spouse ---we all know competition has not had good results, most of the time.

With your siblings, you've been hurt physically or emotionally or possibly the other way round, as a result your parents gave you thorough beatings or at the very least some scorning. With your friends, some you had to lose along the way. In education, the results may never have reflected the hard work you put in, possibly because some had the answers even before the questions had arrived. In marriage, it's always about who has the last word, and none of you has ever given in to the pressure. At the workplace, who will get that one post, you have to get it - no choice you say, but to compete.

A mistake we always make is to think we don't have a choice.

Whether to compete or not is a choice, and you've already made it even before you enter the ring!

It is all about comparisons: looks, IQ, money, bodily strength e.t.c? The underlying statement in all this competition is:  I am better than so-and-so.

Have you ever thought on a light note, why do you compete with people and not other things - compete with your dog on who has the sharpest teeth; compete with a cheetah, just to know if you are faster; while you are at it please compete with that cake, let's see who is the sweetest of them all. I'd not take these challenges, but please do them. Prove that you are worth it.

We always think we have something to prove, why do we then compete? Let's consider a fight of words. Someone at your workplace, just called you a loser! No reason for the outburst of words. What do you do? How do you react?

Life is like a game of chess, every step determines your fate, which (your fate) will be known at the end of the game, and not the beginning.

I wonder if any factory would make two different products that would compete for the same market. Wouldn't that be a self-defeating process?

Comparisons and competition are as a result of not knowing purpose. I'll dare say, don't compete with anyone but yourself, don't intimidate anyone, don't be intimidated by anyone, you have nothing to prove to anyone, other than yourself!

I'd love to hear your insights, is there more to life?

1 John 3:8 ... The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work.

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Mediocrity

Where do I begin? Mediocrity is just that mediocrity. Faint, blunt mediocrity!

Definition of  mediocrity : of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance

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 There is a choice to make today. A choice that I believe is vital. Similar to internal dialogue.

Are you living a mediocre life? As a child, parent, in work, at church, daily tasks, prayer - life, marriage, friendships, career, citizen of a country, the list goes on....

Will you leave a mark of excellence?

What legacy will you leave?

What will people say on your funeral?

What will you say when you stand before God?

If God were to ask you, "Why did you live a mediocre life?" Will you go into the blame game, like a child caught eating from the sugar dish? Blaming everyone and everything but yourself?

What will God say when it's His turn to speak?

What don't you have that others have?

If your answer will be luck, circumstances, background, talent, religion, education, gender, color, creed, country, personal worth, money --- won't we agree that those are just excuses?

If it had anything to do with money, the rich would not cry or probably be buried with all the money, and they would not bother about charities and giving their riches back to society

What excuse haven't we covered yet? I doubt there is any left!

Matthew 25:29 For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him.

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A Prayer of Humility - I Give Myself Away

Oh God, I stand in awe of your glory, grace, mercy and love. Only a piece of the puzzle yet You see me as the full puzzle. You never make mistakes. I have fallen many times, You are still faithful, still willing to hold my hand and show me the way. Never giving up in me. You say You will never leave me nor forsake me. I give myself to You, my past, my present and my future. My dreams, my family, my life take it all. Do as You will LORD. I give up, it's in Your hands. I leave all my worries, all my doubts, all my fears, all my questions at Your feet.

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I am tired of being independent when at the end of the day I can't do anything without You. The air I breathe, the health I have You have given me. I am tired of fighting and the war is won. I am tired of being timid when you have said the righteous are as brave as a lion. I am tired of wanting my own way, I leave you to be in control. Have Your way my LORD.

Everyone in my life has a plan, but Your purpose will be accomplished. Everyone has their place in my life. I am tired of judging them. I am not 'all that'. Everyone in my life has something to teach me about myself, yet I am learning about them. I see all the bad things in them yet You want to get the bad things out of me, for me to be a living example. What is the lesson? What do You want to teach me LORD. I am ready to learn.

I am tired of pretending, I am not perfect. Help me be authentic first with myself then I can be authentic with others. No more religion, it's closing my eyes from the big picture. I believe You will finish what You started LORD. Forgive me for my ignorance, my grown-up-ness, my pride, my my my doubts, the gossip, the stabbing, the jealousy, the comparisons, my words, my thoughts, my fears. I am guilty. I receive Your forgiveness. I pray to daily walk with You, to realize that I will fall again and again and You will always be there to help me stand and get me back in my feet. It will never be over until You say its over.

I want to be that little child who trusts that their parents not to let them fall, who doesn't ask questions but waits to be provided for, for doors to be opened, for ways to be made, for protection and a helping hand in times of trouble. I am that little child, trusting fully, not leaning on my understanding. You are God in my life. You are in control. I will be still and know You are LORD.

I will live knowing Your word will not return to You void. It will accomplish what You desire and achieve the purpose for which You sent it. Your ways LORD are higher than my ways, and Your thoughts than my thoughts. I choose today to trust and obey. I believe the blessings in Deuteronomy 28 are Your promise to me.

What prayer are you making today? Remember that God loves and wants the best for you.

Psalms 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

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Finding Strength In Weakness

In times of despair, hopelessness and obstacles, we constantly have to find strength to overcome the difficulties.

We have to look past the trees to see the sun.

This is an excerpt from a speech that Winston Churchill gave on October 29, 1941, (from http://school-for-champions.com )

"...Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."

It is of utmost importance that we remember to never give up, but in the midst of the trouble, in the middle of the fire, how do we find the strength to get through?


We are only human

In weakness, we know that we are human. We are empathetic to those going through similar situations. We understand our vulnerability. We come to the realization that "we are not all that".

We tend to ask questions such as "why did this happen to me?" The best question to ask in any difficulty will not be heading towards self pity but to ask "Why not me?".

Would you want what you're going through on your worst enemy? If yes, you have a long way to go (I think)

Know your true friends


It is in times of sorrow, pain and loss that we get to know our true friends. Who will stick like glue, when you are not really good company? Who will tell you the truth even when it hurts? Who will give you a shoulder to cry on, and not say a word sometimes, just let you talk through the problem to find a lasting solution. 

A man is not an island.

Ultimately, God is the only true friend who sticks closer than a brother, even when all fails, He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Giving is more blessing than receiving

When you feel that you have nothing left to give of yourself, don't stop there. There is still something left in you, even if it's a smile. Share the story, maybe you will be an encouragement to someone. Don't wallow in your own vomit.

I know quite a disgusting thought, but you are more than that failure. Failure is only an incident, a season in passing.


This too shall pass

You have to know that the seasons even in the earth do not last forever. Summer, winter, spring and autumn have their distinct characteristics. That's a story for another day. They all end and give way to the next season.

In the season of weakness, know that strength is waiting to welcome you on the other end of the fire. The scars and blisters are what you acquire from going through the hot coals. Whether or not they'll be the trademark you walk with is a choice only you can make.

The better option is to let the story of your life have a beautiful ending.

On the flip side, there's some good

Weakness brings us to humility. Quite a rare trait, and very important nonetheless. It is when you are at your lowest, you cry for a helping hand. You call out for help, shouting for that push for a better standing.

Let your story give hope for the hopeless and forgiveness to the guilty heart.

Healing after pain.
Forgiveness after hurt and guilt.
No regret, instead gratitude.
No fear, instead inner strength to face more hot coals.
No shame, instead empathy 'n understanding for all those that might be in the same journey.
No anger, because in the end we are all imperfect.
All black sheep.
And God loves us anyway. 


Beauty in imperfection. Strength in weakness.

How do you find the strength to get through tough times? Please feel free to share your insights in the Comments section.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,6, 11 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: ... A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

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Internal Dialogue

Today I was listening to a morning show in the radio. The question that was asked was, "What do you see when you look in the mirror?" Remember, mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all... same drill. Take time to ask yourself this question. 

Do you see wrinkles, yes, those on the forehead. You should probably try those skin tightening treatments. I wont but I hear they work. Let's get back to the mirror, do you see how old you've gotten, when did you get those stretch marks (those were uninvited guests!), and ooh I see failure written all over my face, nothing good can come out of me? Are these words anything similar to what you are telling yourself? Do these words reflect what you see?

Consider years back, were you the tall kid towering in all the pictures, or were you the short one that had to stand at the very front to be seen? Did you feel weird growing up, especially in those teenage years? What have you carried with you until now? What have you come to believe about what people say about you? Maybe if you considered you would notice that none of their views holds any water. 

What you see and perceive about yourself, you will live it out. What you tell yourself on the inside is what you will ultimately be on the outside.

Doesn't matter what school of thought, tell yourself you are a failure, maybe someone told you back in your hey days, and you believe it, well what are you waiting for but failure. Thoughts start in your heart, then words are born and you live out your words by your actions.

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"Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will one day become a reality."

Earl Nightingale

So here are more questions : -

Does somebody have to tell you that you are beautiful and all that so that you know? How many visually blessed people have to tell you for you to know? Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What does this mean? Is everything and everyone by extension beautiful? Is there beauty in imperfection? Who do you know that is perfect? If imperfection is all that there is, is there anyone left that is beautiful? 

Is there a need to be told of one's beauty? Everything that is a need can be starved or overused. Are we being told that we are beautiful enough? Or is it that the more that we are told we yearn for more, a case of an appetite of a glutton. Always eating, just never in a state of fullness. The issue of over-used comes in, has the portrayal of beauty changed over the years? Maybe through the media, societal expectations and cultural 'evolution'; or the changing times.

In retrospect, beauty is skin deep. We see it on the outside through word and conversation, or simply deeds. Why do I doubt my beauty? Why do I feel good when just anyone affirms it? When I look in the mirror whose image do I see? Who do I consider beautiful? Why? Should we compare levels of beauty?

Aren't I unique in every sense of the word? How I walk, talk, sing, look, fingerprints, DNA, fingernails, toenails, hair, tongue, teeth...just all my organs and everything about me is me. All these components make me me, not like you; or you; or so and so. 

All my life is filled with comparisons. I look like mum. I have dad's ears, mum's nose, granny's feet, aunts' teeth. Yet money is made by these comparisons. Beauty pageants, 'reality' shows, makeover shows, billboards, advertisements, television anchors – and guess who gets to be the real JUDGE – ME. I get to have a say, who's more beautiful, why not so-and-so.

I'll tell you one thing , if you were to get one thing from all this, leave with this knowledge : Look in the mirror and what you should see is a beautiful person, complete with imperfections and wholly you. No one in the world is you and will ever be you.

The conclusion of the morning show was that what you tell yourself when you look in the mirror is called internal dialogue. Don't wait for someone on the outside to come and tell you what you haven't believed in (in the inside) for yourself. The journey starts in your heart.

Proverbs 23: 7 As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

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Inspired to Inspire - Part 2

Have you ever fallen where there were so many people? You're shoe (how did that happen?) hit a rock and before you could even understand what was going on you find yourself on the dust, in the mud, oil, large pool of water, who knows? It was too fast, too quick, nobody asked you?

I've fallen many times. And most of the times the-fall didn't hit me, until I hit the ground (Does that make sense? Let me know). What I mean is I don't know what hit me or what exactly I hit to get to the ground? I couldn't predict that I would fall there of all places! Once I was in a race back in school, right at the finish line I fell face flat on the ground. Wow, that was something. Trust me, I was exhausted, and that's the last race I ever ran, sadly. Far from that, many times I like to laugh at myself. It helps ease the tension of the fall, and just to get my head into perspective. And if by any chance, the people watching me fall are laughing at me, we end up laughing together. So I don't feel that bad at the end of the day.

Let's look at an analogy to explain my point. Back in University, we had this lecturer who coined jokes that only he understood. So while he ended up laughing at his own jokes hysterically, the whole class was left to painfully catch up with the joke. Truth is his jokes were dry! Or we just didn't get what the fuss was all about. Anyways, we ended up laughing at the fact that he was laughing at dry jokes and he joined us in the laughing. So that made it even more funny. We are laughing at his *dry* joke, he thought the joke was that funny and continued laughing.

No offense to the lecturer, sometimes the jokes I pull ain't funny, so I've also had to laugh on my own at times. The POINT I AM MAKING is it's healthy to laugh at yourself sometimes. Don't take life so seriously, so much that you can't laugh at your mistakes.

Today let's give some thought to falling in life. Where you fell. How you fell? Why you fell? Will you keep falling? Let's try to compare the falling with real life examples.

Everyone falls
Do you think you're the only one who went through that specific experience? I know it was beyond embarrassing. You couldn't even dare share it with anyone. Maybe you got cheated on, someone fleeced you of your cash, or who knows something really bad happened. You are not the first, nor will you be the last or the only one to go through that traumatizing time.

Let me suggest something crazy, share with someone what you've always said you'd never share with anyone. You'll get something off your back. It will help you realize, it wasn't that bad. In the most understood language I know, you'll realize it's kawa i.e. its the norm (Kawaida is a Swahili word that means norm, kawa is short for kawaida).

Maybe you'll end up saving a friend from going through the same experience by sharing.

Wherever you fell, it could have been worse. 
You may have fallen in the sewer, or off a building, or tripped in front of a moving bus (that's bad i know), but guess what, it could have been worse. Just ask around, you'll find out that your experience was just an orientation into the world of falling.

There's always someone who went through a worse experience. There always someone who's going through worse off than you ever will. Not that you are special in any way. Only they could go through that experience in those specific circumstances and still triumph.

So be encouraged, you're in a far better place than you could ever be.

However you fell, it's not the end of the world.
Now that we know everyone falls and you're not doing so bad. Get up from the ground dust yourself off and go on. They do say life goes on and that should be true for you too. You determine how long you stay on the ground.

Have you ever watched a playful child whatever age really, just playing the way children are and then suddenly they fall to the ground. Doesn't matter how and where they fall. If you start, being so emotional, saying all the sorries in the world; that child will surely cry. They'll turn on the ignition, step on the fuel and cry their tongues out. Why? Because you said sorry. Maybe they weren't even hurt.

But if you pretend you didn't notice, they'll stay on the ground a bit, play with the soil, stand up and dust themselves off. Then the games will continue, and they might even throw in some laughter to the fall.

Children are children that's how they act. But we should be able to learn not to let our falls last forever. Let them be a stepping stone to a much more enlightened maturity. Don't let the mud from the fall be your trademark. Let the scars you got from falling tell the story of your life. Not stories that end with "I am sorry that must have been so traumatizing" but stories that are filled with joy and "Wow, you are the epitome of true strength. I am so encouraged."

Whatever the reason of the fall, accept that you've fallen
Just because you hit a stone, or someone tripped you to the ground. Will that make you hate the stone or that person all your life? No, really. The truth is you've fallen. Forget the reason of the fall. First, acceptance is important. Accept that you fell. It doesn't make you any less of a person. You are still you. It's only you that can that can change what you perceive of yourself after the fall.

Was it that you ARE clumsy? Was it that someone distracted you? Or does that person just hate your guts that they couldn't pass the opportunity to see you fall?

None of the reasons make sense to me. They might be valid reasons but they don't hold any water. Reasons for your fall may vary and may even be valid, but the important thing is you learn from the fall.

The stupid never forgive and never forget, the naive forgive and forget. The wise forgive and never forget.

You should be on the guard. Don't fall on the exact same spot, in the exact same way again. When you see the same reasons or mistakes coming your way, take care that you don't fall. Derive lessons from the fall. You'll be surprised how many precious things you can learn. So it may not sound like much, guess what, the reason for the fall is the lessons learned and not the reason you fell in the first place (Hope that makes sense.)

Falling won't stop soon, you're not that special
Falling is frequent and you just have to be on your guard. It is of my opinion that pride is one of the major causes of falling. We think we are too good to fall, or falling happens to the likes of so and so. It's like you are of a special breed and it just doesn't happen to us special ones.

Think of it this way, as human beings we like to hear stories of so and so and how they went through something tough, maybe they lost their loved ones to cancer, or their marriage was a sham, or their children are the laughing stock of the town.

The story goes: Do you know Jane? The Pastor's daughter, she went abroad to study Medicine. Remember? Imagine she was deported back to the country because ... (fill in the details!)

Our ears are pulled to such stories. And our responses are Oh my? Poor Pastor, that's so sad? Children of these days! I just knew! And our responses never stop! We go on and on about how they should have done this and this! That's their mistake...

Pride comes before a fall

Just remember that next time you fall. You're not that special. Just when you think you are standing, just like in my personal experiences, you'll be the name in the next juicy story, and it won't be an easy experience.
Try to put yourself in other people's shoes. Don't judge. Don't ever think that they deserve it, because they don't. Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves compassion. Everyone deserves a second chance. Everyone deserves new beginnings. We can't offer that love the way God does, but we should try to.

We are all fallen creatures.

I'd like to hear your views, or personal lessons from falling in life.

1 Corinthians 10:12 Therefore let him that thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.

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Inspired to inspire - Part 1

Let's ask some questions today, YOU know the answers. This is part one  : -

Are you making a difference in your life?

Are you making a difference in someone else's life?

Are you growing tired about something in your life?

Are you doing anything about it?

Are you waiting for someone to change?

Are you going to be the change you want to see?

The most important question is are you living for yourself? This means are you living out people's expectations of what you should be, or are you truly living out what you believe in, what inspires you, doing what motivates you? Pursuing your dreams, acting out and actualizing your goals and dreams.

Do you do things because others are doing them?

Do you fear being unique, being different, being you?

Do you sleep knowing you did all you could that do?

These are a few questions we need to consider today, now, not tomorrow or later. They are to be asked everyday, every time you wander in your own little cocoon. Did you hear the story about the ugly caterpillar that died? Apparently, this was announced tragically via the 1 o'clock news, just kidding.

But the caterpillar died in its cocoon after a hard tedious journey through the vast bushes, eating everything green it came across. And then one day it knew life was going to end and it spun its own 'tomb' (cocoon). After a long dormant almost death-like experience, a beautiful butterfly emerged flying to soar the air, sharing the stage with likes of birds.

Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it.

George Halas

Can you apply that to your own life? What the caterpillar (you) thought was going to be the end of an ugly, treacherous life (filled with failures, let downs, mockery, mistrust, fill in all the scars in your life) in the bushes (your circumstances, unfulfilled expectations); was actually the beginning of transformation, the beginning of beauty in the midst of scars. Suffering has a way of molding us into the next phase of life. You have to go through tough stuff so as to get tougher.

Lessons to learn :

• Learn from the past

Definition of Past: having existed or taken place in a period before the present 

Everything you go through in life helps in building a foundation for what tomorrow holds. You have to learn from the past. The past does not define who you are, nor does it dictate who you are meant to be. Don't live, don't dwell on or in the past. This will defeat the course of your journey.  Learn from your mistakes.  Take the strides you need to move away from the past. Let it be THE PAST.

This also means don't carry with you the grudges of yesterday, the let downs of ages ago, the broken expectations and promises of the past to today. Let them go.

• Your present state says nothing about your future. 

 Definition of Present: now existing or in progress

This is where you are at in life. The present will be the best place to be if you are not holding on to the past or are not trying to manipulate the future. It is what you should be able to change. You can choose to live your present life differently. Don't let your present circumstances and fears determine how you live. Take them as opportunities to greatness and not hurdles as they may seem. Use them as steps to actualizing your dreams.
If you answer the questions above, then the present will be one good place to be.
Remember that you make the choices and decisions that shape the future. You may not know what it holds, but everything you do now will have a trickle effect into what the future might hold. Do your best. Today do your best with what you have now.
Don't sit worrying about the future. Otherwise the present will pass you by like the wind.

• Your future is out of your hands. Get used to that!

Definition of Future: expressive of time yet to come

The future is molded by your present. It is a reflection of your past and present culminated into one. Very unpredictable.
Everyone would want to know their future if given a chance. The truth is your future is in God's hands.
You don't know whether you will be breathing in the next minute. It's not a given. People live all their lives for tomorrow when today is all that matters. NOW is the big picture.
What if you lived your life starting from the end (death) towards the beginning (birth)? Would you live differently?

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

Let's answer these questions honestly and we will start the journey of being ourselves.

Psalms 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

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