You are Not a Victim

Friday, September 28

These words changed and continue to change the course of my life and I pray that you would see the truth in them too. Good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, happy or sad, fair or unfair – you own your life.

“You are accountable for your life. You have always been accountable. You will always be accountable. If you don't like your job, you are accountable. If your relationships are on the rocks, you are accountable. If you are overweight, you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable.” (Phillip McGraw, Life Strategies Page 56)

You are not a victim. This may not be easy to accept for some, nonetheless it is the real deal. It is a deal breaker. Responsibility begins when you accept this truth. Responsibility is about accepting that you make decisions in your life and that you own the consequences for those decisions. Good or bad.

You are not a victim

It is not the weather, neither is it your angry boss nor is it your parents' fault. It is not the government, nor is it the economy. No, your husband is not at fault, your children are also not the cause of your problems and your wife didn't ruin your life.

Maybe you went through a traumatic loss, rejection or experience such as physical rape, when you were a child. You might not have had the knowledge or power to make certain choices as a child and therefore you were not accountable then.

From the point when you had the knowledge or power to make choices, you became accountable for your life.

The past is behind us and the future is not yet with us. We deal in the present because this is where we are. Today is the present, it is God's gift to us.

You choose now how to respond to everything that happened in your life.

Here is what a victim says: “They are all out to get me.”

Here is what an accountable person says, “I am responsible.”

Are you honest about getting well or do you just want to manipulate others with your condition?

A victim seeks to draw sympathy and excuse themselves from the problems in their lives. They complain, pout, blame, everyone and everything else apart from themselves. They seem to desire change but all they draw to themselves are the circumstances they endlessly complain about.

An accountable person is the one who realizes they are responsible for every choice and every consequence in their lives. They own the problem, they accept that they are part of the problem and also own the task of finding a solution.

Do you want to get well? If yes, accept accountability for your life. If no, remember you are not a victim.

What are your thoughts? How has realizing that you are not a victim changed the course of your life?

photo credit: John Steven Fernandez via photopin cc

John 5:6-7 (Message Version)

When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?
The sick man said, “Sir, when the water is stirred, I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.”


  1. Changed my life entirely! I used to think that 'others' were responsible for the course of my life - circumstances, people, past...anyone but me. I liked blaming others for my reactions.

    But several painful circumstances weaned me out of this thinking. I think sometimes we'll never really change until something hurts bad enough. We start searching for answers, anything to get rid of the pain and be whole. I craved peace and balance.

    Joyce Meyer says that you can't be pitiful and powerful at the same time. I was trying to do both for long. I had to choose at some point!
    Am glad, by the grace of God, that am at a better place now, one of responsibility and grace.

    Awesome post and thoughts!

  2. What a great story you have shared. I appreciate your honesty Ngina.

    That for some something has to hurt bad enough, even for me, that was my experience. God is gracious to open our eyes to the reality that we are not victims.

    Dr. Phil says we have to give up being 'right' and ask whether what we are doing is working or not.

    I love Joyce Meyer's remarks. I will share that on Twitter please. Thanks for reading and sharing.

  3. Excellent post! I like the "buck stops here" mentality! When we make excuses and blame someone else it takes away our foundation. No foundation - no growth...

    Glad Ngina linked this up!

  4. I am glad to have you reading Floyd. Thanks to Ngina for the mention.
    You have said it so well, when we blame, we have no growth. And you are right, it all starts at being accountable.

    Thanks for sharing your insights.

  5. A very well written post- I have to give it to you for that. I have had a problem with believing Christians as opposed to Acting Christians. Believing christian are very good with theory but when it comes to practical, that is when reality separate from imaginary.

    I honestly believe that no one person would love to end up a looser but there are other factors that contribute to failing that are beyond our power. Take for example the bible verse John 5:6-7: The sick man had done the only thing that he could by leaving his house or home and coming to the pool, the poor guy had waited for a very long time and every time the angel came down, somebody else would get into the water and get better. But he never gave up. He continued to hang there and finally Jesus came and he was healed.

  6. Hi James,

    Thanks for your kind remarks. You have shared a valid point ~ we need actions backing our faith. Don't we fall short of acting out what we believe far too many times? God's grace keeps us standing.

    I didn't look at the story in John 5 as you have said it. Thanks for highlighting that. Jesus helps us when it is beyond our ability to change our circumstances. God certainly wants us to overcome.

    I appreciate you reading and the provoking comment.

  7. True success begins when we take responsibility for our lives. I suppose God hates the victim mentality; when we keep blaming things and others for our misfortunes. There are people who have and will always be in worse off situations than us, but are doing far much better. The beauty of this is that when you rise above your circumstance, God crowns you; Joyce Meyer can attest to this!

  8. I cannot agree more. Response ability is a true gem in rising above any circumstance. I have come to learn that change indeed begins with me.

    Guest posted about it a while back. You can read it on this post:

    Thanks for your contribution Harry! I appreciate it.


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